Let there be light

It feels like I’m constantly cleaning or making excuses to do other things besides thinking up activities to do with the girls. There are a million things to do, but of course they can wait...anything can wait. I’ve always found it hard to really get into playing with my kids. This morning I decided I wasn’t going to just clean, make meals and clean some more. I sent the girls out to pick dandelions they had no idea why. It felt so good to see them in the back yard picking out flowers with a purpose, it also hurt to know that I don’t do things like this as often as I should. I want my kids to grow up with memories like this. 

I have so many regrets for how life was for my sons growing up. I was borderline depressed...OK I was full blown depressed but you couldn't have told me that back then, the house was always dark and I constantly felt too tired to play. I can’t let my mind visit that part of my past too often, it’s already been hashed out and mended but I still get stuck in regret if think back.

The girls came in and I let Everleigh snip the stems off of the flowers. It filled my heart to see the look of accomplishment in her eyes, to know that here she sits, snipping the stems all on her own and that I trusted her to use the small cutting scissors. I often wonder, if these feelings come naturally to other mothers. Do you as a mom wake up in the morning with the feeling of wanting to make wonderful memories with your children every day? I don’t want to sound like a terrible person here; I don’t always feel the way I did today, it’s a constant struggle in my mind and every second I have to think to myself “look at their faces…look how beautiful this is” when playing with them but when I finally see it….that’s when the feeling goes on autopilot and its amazing. With this generation (because I have two ya know) now I know it’s possible and I want to work every day towards getting as much out of life and giving that to my kids as well. I believe that if we slow down, let the light in and breathe a little deeper that we can just absorb those true feelings and see the wonderment in our kids eyes without filters. If you follow me on Instagram, just know that I try to take the best of my days and document it. My life definitely isn’t peaches and cream, I don’t drive a fancy car (unless you think a  Routan is fancy) and my house is often more messy than clean. Whatever the situation, wherever we are in the world or state of mind….we all strive for that same feeling of happiness and it's ok if some days our lights are less bight than others.